So do I !

If you love yourself then some decisions, although painful for next few moments, are worth making. In fact define a part of life, you always wished to live after you achieve an important milestone in your journey.

Cos shape is round........

Sitaro ko apni aankho main rakh lo, bahut door tak ab raat he raat hogi,
bhulna mat jaana mera nam aap kyoki musafir ho tum bhe musafir hoon main bhe,
kya pata achanak kisi din mulakat hogi !

A complex web........

We never lose, what we never had. Then what ? why again and again, I find myself involved.

It took time but scrathing my head finally I got the answer. We don't meet right person every otherday. Its a honest answer cause we can not lie person within. But life wasn't as easy, What lies between a complex web, we ppl create.
You can not through it alone when person in front of you says your left is my right and vice versa. Noone thinks when we move in same direction then right or left really doesn't matter. Its simple, how will you think when you are busy in putting yourself at upper hand. Call it ego or distance, it means same.
After no one likes to be a loser. Isn't it that we are being a loser, in real game lled life.
In many cases it become worse, when a gesture to do it right, interpretated as an act of defame. Eachone among us wants a perfect telationship to be happy but we never try to know how distant we have taken ourself.
Truth is in this vacum we dont hear any other voice except our own. Those listen know the secret of a perfect relation. I have read somewhere that mistakes become milestone if you have learnt the lesson. But when comes on relationship, I see it fails. This web cant be through until both corners try it willingly. May be thats why most of the relationships die young. It contains a critical factor called timing. Reason being amplitude which cant become strong enough to breakthrough if timing doesnt synchronice, making it a bit more critical to tryout.
well like it not but its a color we choose to live with, after all we are the creator of our destiny.

Turn the page

and you will have one more experience. Seems like the fog of the days getting condense with everyday. One thing I noticed in this fog quite opposite of basic rules. Objects become more clearer with sunlight and after a amplitude things starts to fade a bit more with passage of time. But fog only gets condense with passage of time and it seems to be everywhere, suddnely you gotta see it no where. Scientific reason mentioned for this phenomena says settlement of dust particles.
Just like human mind, finding yourself amid flowing emotions in a direction and suddenly you feel like there is no direction. It hurted a lot initially but was right way so I started to live with saying what ever happens, happens for good. But it wasn't the case, I can ignore. Yet again it was boumd to happen. I know, we don't have control over thing but as said be the change you want to bring in the world. Obviously honesty is the 1st thing, to be taken care.

Atleast you don't need to waste your time when you become center. There is nothing unusal in being numb for moments and respect you have within, called conspiracy. Perception could be taken negative but if you have fact in front of you then it simply called as plan. This is state, pain literally tells that you are alive.
We can accept our mistake, we can also help some look out of the perimeter. But we need will to know. I have realised a man's biggest enemy lies within. Anger is a state when decision are made already and efforts are to allign them any how. word called anyhow literally means anyhow. After all we do mistakes till we live then why do we feel shame in leaving the beast. May be its what we call colour of life. I'd be last person on earth to boaist about my achieve ments. Of course there is proud but thats just a catalyst. Everybody knows own competency and its for yourself only then still its nothing to brag about. But there are issues those can provoke any one yes anyone.
Under skin, every body has something to justify self then what to do? Here I gotta learn what do we mean when we say adjustment. Biggest proof for the statement is nowhere away but very much close to us and its this world. You can devide whole world in every individual characteristics. How many no? Well cant count yet our world moves.

If we synchronise all those parts together then no doubt it would be called a better place to live but unfortunately we cant because even if you put yourself lower, it might not provoke to behave same way.
Then what? Life is a journey not a destination.

So question is we hurt till we think we have lost something lovable but isn't it that lovable something also lost a lovely heart too ? Well there is no loss if we have no attachment but again isn't it a useless life when you exist but not alive. While god gave you opportunity to feel the pleasure and joys around by exchanging sweetest gift of smile of a cute kid, you just made happy by offering a vanilla.

Happy Birthday

So it's birthday, well is it like that older by one more year or wiser by one more year? I think it's all about how do you look at it. rite ?

Aarambh Hai Prachand,

आरम्भ है प्रचंड बोल मस्तकों के झुंड,
आज जंग की घडी की तुम गुहारदो |

(आरम्भ है प्रचंड बोल मस्तकों के झुंड, आज जंग की घडी की तुम गुहार दो
आन बाण शान या की जान का हो दान आज एक धनुष के बाण पे उतार दो)
आरम्भ है प्रचंड

(मन्न करे सो प्राण दे, जो मन्न करे सो प्राण ले
वही तोह एक सर्वशक्तिमान है ) - 2
कृष्ण की पुकार है ये भागवत का सार है
की युद्ध ही तोह वीर का प्रमाण है,
कौरवो की भीड़ हो या पांडवो का नीड़ हो
जो लड़ सका है वोह ही तोह महान है |
जीत की हवास नहीं, किसी पे कोई वश नहीं
क्या जिंदगी है ठोकरों पे मार दो
मौत अंत है नहीं तोह मौत से भी क्यों डरे
ये जाके आसमान में दहाड़ दो |

आरम्भ है प्रचंड बोल मस्तकों के झुंड
आज ज़ंग की घडी की तुम गुहार दो
आन बाण शान, या की जान का हो दान,
आज एक धनुष के बाण पे उतार दो |
आरम्भ है प्रचंड

(हो दया का भाव या की शौर्य का चुनाव
या की हार का वोह घांव तुम यह सोच लो) -2
या की पुरे भाल पर, जला रहे विजय का लाल
लाल ये गुलाल तुम सोच लो,
रंग केसरी हो या मृदंग केसरी हो
या की केसरी हो ताल तुम यह सोच लो

जिस कवी की कल्पना में जिंदगी हो प्रेम गीत
उस कवी को आज तुम नकार दो
भीगती नसों में आज, फूलती रगों में आज

आग की लपट का तुम बखार दो

आरम्भ है प्रचंड बोल मस्तकों के झुंड

आज ज़ंग की घडी की तुम गुहार दो

आन बाण शान, या की जान का हो दान,

आज एक धनुष के बाण पे उतार दो |

आरम्भ है प्रचंड

Aarambh Hai Prachand,Bole Mastako Ke Jhund
Aaj Jung Ki Ghadi Ki Tum Guhar Do

Aan Baan Shaan Ya Ki Jaan Ka Ho Daan

Aaj Ek Dhanush Ke Baarn Pe Utaar Do

Aarambh Hai Prachand,Bole Mastako Ke Jhund
Aaj Jung Ki Ghadi Ki Tum Guhar Do
Aan Baan Shaan Ya Ki Jaan Ka Ho Daan
Aaj Ek Dhanush Ke Baarn Pe Utaar Do
Aarambh Hai Prachand


Mann Kare So Praan De, Jo Mann Kare So Praan Le
Wahi To Ek Sarv Shaktimaan Hai
Ishr Ki Pukaar Hai Yeh Bhagwat Ka Saar Hai
Ki Yudh Hi To Veer Ka Pramaan Hai
Kauravo Ki Bheed Ho Ya Pandavo Ka Neer Ho
Jo Lad Saka Hai Wo Hi To Mahaan Hai
Jeet Ki Hawas Nahi, Kisi Pe Koi Vash Nahi
Kya Zindagi Hai Thokaro Pe Maar Do
Maut Anth Hai Nahi To Maut Se Bhi Kyu Dare?
Yeh Jaake Aasmaan Mein Dahaad Do

Aarambh Hai Prachand, Bole Mastako Ke Jhund
Aaj Jung Ki Ghadi Ki Tum Guhar Do
Aan Baan Shaan Ya Ki Jaan Ka Ho Daan
Aaj Ek Dhanush Ke Baarn Pe Utaar Do
Aarambh Hai Prachand…

Ho Daya Ka Bhaav Ya Ki Shaurya Ka Chunaav
Ya Ki Haar Ka Wo Ghaav Tum Yeh Soch Lo

Ya Ki Poore Bhaal Bhar Jala Rahe Vijay Ka Laal
Laal Yeh Gulaal, Tum Yeh Soch Lo
Rang Kesari Ho Ya Mridang Kesari Ho Ya Ki
Kesari Ho Laal Tum Yeh Soch Lo..

Jis Kavi Ki Kalpana Mein Zindagi Ho Prem Geet
Uss Kavi Ko Aaj Tum Nakaar Do
Bheegti Nasso Mein Aaj, Phoolti Rago Mein Aaj
Aaj Aag Ki Lapat Ka Tum Baghaar Do

Aarambh Hai Prachand, Bole Mastako Ke Jhund
Aaj Jung Ki Ghadi Ki Tum Guhar Do
Aan Baan Shaan Ya Ki Jaan Ka Ho Daan
Aaj Ek Dhanush Ke Baarn Pe Utaar Do
(Aarambh Hai Prachand)
Hoye Hoye Hoye…

from haqikat.........

Main yeh soch kar us ke dar se uthaa tha
Voh rok le gi mujh ko, mana le gi mujh ko
Hawaaon mein lehraata aata tha daaman
Ke daaman pakad kar bithaa le gi mujh ko
Qadm is aandaaz se uth rahe the
Ke aawaaz de kar bulaa le gi mujh ko.

Magar us ne roka na mujh ko manaya
Na daaman hi pakda na mujh ko bithaaya
Na aawaaz hi di na mujh ko bulaaya
Main aahista-aahista badta hi aaya
Yahan tak ke us se juda ho gaya ...

-Poet : Kaifi Azmi

I know yup i know........

Koi diwana kehta hai, koi pagal samajhta hai,

Magar dharti ki baichani ko bas badal samajhta hai.
Main tujhse door kaisa hoon, tu mujhse door kaisi hai,
Yeh tera dil samajhta hai ya mera dil samajhta hai.

Mohabbat ek ehsason ki pawan si kahani hai,
Kabhi kabira diwana tha, kabhi mira diwani hai.
Yahan sab log kahte hain meri aankhon mein ansoon hain,
Jo tu samjhe to moti hai, jo na samjhe to pani hai.

Samandar pir ka andar hai lekin ro nahin sakta,
Yeh ansoon pyar ka moti hai, isko kho nahin sakta.
Meri chahat ko dulhan tu bana lena, magar sun le,
Jo mera ho nahin paya, woh tera ho nahin sakta

Moment wishes.......

Mere man ye bata de tu

kis aur chala hai tu
kya paya nahi tune,
jo dhoond raha hai tu
Jo hai ankahi, jo hai unsuni
vo bat kya hai bata
Mitwa....

Kahe dhadkane tujse kya !

You know........

maybe this is why
we fall in love

because we cannot
change the ending

... but with love
we can change the story

sometimes
I feel
I don't need love
I really don't
because
love is an antidote to loneliness
... and I am not lonely
I am alone !

Under My Skin

There is some one under my skin, I hate. Its not that i haven't tried hard enough to patch up with it. I tried my best but he refused to co-operate and brought unbearable pain for me. Now after 25-26 yrs, I revolt and say him to leave me but unsuccessful so far. No matter what I did to avoid him, he didn't leave. With everyday my hate for him increases a bit more. I can't explain how foolish this chap is.

Such an idiot who says we should always remain sensible. We should trust each other. He says love is the most strongest force, dedication can make true every dream, we have. He also says what if you were unsuccessful in achieving some thing at some point of time, doesn't mean you stop trying. One person broke your trust, cheated you, played with your emotions and all this when person know, how much affection/trust you put in that fellow, not a right reason to not make friends again, never fall in love again, to not trust anyone. After all its just a person who made you go through all the pain so isn't it wrong to yell at whole the world.

He further adds we humans need social life to live, no one has ever lived life fully in isolation. World is really big, every day we meet new people, they behave the way, they interpretate life. After all there is differentiation good and bad, no need to say which one lasts finally.  Fellow says we should behave in a way, which we expect for our self, we may appear to be highest for moments by pushing some deserving one or more capable than our self but we will never get enough strength to overcome our (ever existent from that moment) fear to lose that place. With every moment this fear makes its grip stronger because we know, we really don't deserve the place.

At last comes a point at which we have furious argument, is, He says me to love a person, once I had some liking, tantamount to the feeling existing other side.It wont be wrong if I say, it was feeling of otherside those persuade me to think that way, no wonder if it's called rubbish now. Well lets  leave them  intact to know what word "Rubbish" really means.But after expressing it what I've got only snub and insult. It hurts as I don't know what was other side but in me..... leave it.

As it really doesn't matter whether It was 1st time in my life or last time. What am I? how I tackled situation, what capabilities lie in me and how and y i say, you are going to be lucky in coming life. When a person has decided to not reveal anything, he won't no matter what you thought. even after all this fellow says me to love care that person and mentions there is no ego in love. Wait, wait, wait, what did you say rubbish ? Really ? I say to person you can surely manipulate in a way, where every body will say, its me whoz troubling life of  other person/u. But deep inside you know, it was your initiative, your expressions showed your mind and you can't change this fact till you are on earth. Your smartness may conceal embarassment some times but not always. I feel sorry to say that but you wouldn't have enough choice to reward your feelings and you cant complain for it to your god. If we continue to do something which is wrong by our own principles, who can help us ut? Some ppl amend ways midway but as i said some and never feel shame in apologising but i know you won't.

God exists or may not be but there is something called goodness which never return's empty handed. With every insult, it becomes more determine to achieve that and says feeling never die, what dies is, our will to feel that feeling. A person can hide, misplace feelings but can't kill them. So feelings still must be there, know the reason why ? search the answer and as you deliver the answer your love would be standing with you and also for ever. If your feelings were natural and true then its a loss for other one as it missed opportunity to be happiest and luckiest person on earth. Not just for making yourself feel good, these are natural laws which no one could ever break. Let them laugh and make a joke of it but life has a tendency to teach hard people in harder way.There are people those correctify themselves midway.

Well I don't know where this person in me, learnt all this but I know, how much these principles have cost me. For last 25 years, I have always lived life silently with his mentioned principles but all I have got is, pain and more pain. lately it has become unbearablre and now it has reached up to a point when I can't take it anymore. This pain already made me feel numb at times. Now I don't want to tread this path, he mentions.

ps: Once I asked my dad whats most difficult thing to do in our world.

He said "TO LIVE,LIFE OF A SIMPLE PERSON" !

"Dad I'm agree from day onwards."

and one day........

Ek chota sa sapna tha........................... ..
Us sapne mein koi apna tha........................... ..
Us apne mein kuch sakoon tha...............
Jo zindagi ka junun tha......................
Us junoon mein ek rahat thi.............
Jo sirf teri chahat thi..............
Us chahat mein ek andaz tha............
Jo meri dhadkano ka raaz tha...........
Us raaz mein ek khushbo thi..............
Jo meri sooch ki justuju thi..............
Us justuju mein ek hararat thi...........
Jo meri khushiyoun ki sharat thi.............
Us shahrat mein mein ek ehsaas tha..........
Ke tou jo mere pass thee.....................
Us pass mein jo ek araam tha...............
Woh bas sirf ek tera NAAM tha.........................

Associations and departure.........

Whatever may come but life moves forward. So is it like that we should not look around when we are passing through? But human, who is supposed to be most sensible thing god ever made, due to sheer its characteristic, cant restraint himself. Human says " I'm on my way and I also know it's a long journey whats wrong if I developed a bond with a fellow traveler? It makes me to take things easy just like natural tendency. I have every right to walk with fellow by hand in hand until it bothers him/herself." Looks sweet and sensible but non existent any where. If you see you are being interest for someone. OK, then what, just ignore and move ahead. Aah but while moving you see the pain at face and you turned put everything away for a moment. Stepped towards it slowly and anticipating pleasure he is going to deliver.
But as always truth is stranger than fiction, you stumbled when you have been asked to show identity. why ? Maybe circumstances made fellow, putting up things this way. But you never get that bonding force working again. Even when you insisted you are earning nothing but pain. Wondering is it all ab't,what I have been listening since my childhood. Should i call myself unlucky? Honestly No, because everything around never let me approve , in fact anybody at this place, where I'm standing now. Then what? How to say that I have put away all just to see a smile on this face. Is it vengeance for my late response? I just acted when I felt it. how Cd I stopped when I had nothing in my mind except reward and just reward. Sitting under a tree, searching answers for self made questions but life is not ab't survival its all about living with a mark, then what ?

Alone in Dark

Every yup every thing you touch just awry. For a sec I thought, no its not truth. I'm in a dream and just gotta wake-up.
You wait desperately to get this dream over but it don't. More you try to wake up and realize it was a dream but night didn't finish and dream proves its not a dream,its realty precisely h arsh reality. Is it so easy guy asked himself. A dark night with chilled air, he just left his room and secret window let him out of this boundary. Alone in dark, loneliness is the thing he hates most but you have to live through what life puts in front of you. It's a cemetery, fear? when something takes your most precious thing than there is no fear. blank with a mind, he knows this place has 2nd rank for venomous snakes of south Asia but when mind is blank, you don't feel anything.  After engineering days, he has almost quit drinking.
 The only love of my life. why ? why did you do this to me. He cried why did u do this. He knows he is alone in the dark all alone. May be god making my childhood wish true which is only wish i hav made everyday when i saw ........... suffering, God make me strong, don't wanna feel any pain, I promise i'll never fall in love to create a chance for that.

The Day....

No doubt, am Late n shpould have done earlier but let me keep this as a real value experience. So I call it a day, I kno its tough but I won't miss u.

Awarapan, Banjarapan..........

“mai jab bhi tej chalta hun, najaare chut jaate hain
koi jab rup garhta hun to saanche* tut jaate hain….
main rota hun to aakar log kandha thapthapate hai
main hansta hun to mujhse log aksar ruth jaate hain”


* saanche= moulder - use to make different shape

But y ?

ps: Faasle aise bhe honge socha na tha,
Samne tha wo shaks mere per ab wo mera na tha !

Kabhi kabhi mere dil main......

Guy said people do ditch, when you least anticipate and their perfect shot come, right at the place, you never ever wish to get. In fact life has taught him, At First ppl try their luck then a well planned affair for chosen ones. Later bad mouth each other and ruin everything.

So why to go for such situation. He follwed same which resulted a very good career path. At times,  when social issues came and said him that oneday you will get someone to live with remaining life. Guy thought my strength remains within me, when you have a person along with you then can I expect same? Guy realized a veryimportant part of success comes from your better half. This relation has a power to ruin your life as well as shinning above all. He thought but how come I know, howz a person? Answer came observe around and learn. This was his way of living untill he meets her. Just got attracted by first view, he wondered whats  that ? n why its so? Guys has enough proposal and few of them were dream girl of friends. But the way he lived, he didnt get distracted anywhere. Even he was given a tag of arrogant, he never said anything. So whats reason for getting attracted now ? But feeling he had got was awesome and he wished for the first time in life, God just that one, Nothing else.

Next few days pass

when he confirmed, it wasnt a dream and interest shown from otherside was easily palpable.  So lets settle it some day. Here comes the point when story gota twist. When he arrived, he gotta knew, fellow has gone, for a sec guy just felt like a dumb. He thought, he never gave any indication of interest and this might change equation. 

aftr some more time

A person was said to be strong head, adamant and insensitive but what guy saw was completely different. So guy decided to go beyond all these where even no one can be too bad.

Peson who raised feelings said what ? me ? no mistaken. Guy knows if u dont want to accept then no one can make u do so. But why ? I'm same person. Now what? He  wasnt having any plan simply because he never thought that such situation will come. As they say life has great surprises for everyone. But in case of guy it was greatest, reason behind it was that when guy was followed, he didnt show any interest because he saw n one of them carry what he wants. In fact after some more time, he had lost any hope that such person exists in real. But one more surprise.

Guy never said anything about this to anyone so he was the only perosn who can share these harsh times.  After all guy had made a will to live with. He knows he can achieve everything easily but as said if u really want to enjoy your life then trust some one. When Attributes compliments perfectly, life becomes awesome.

When person come by own feet and showed a  glimpe, making ur dream more beutiful. Is it so easy to come and exit someone's life. Guy said I dont know about others but as far I know, people say, its a pleasure to live life with me. No, not boasted ever but its what I heard. Guy adds further when you have, I need, to show these people why I'm so.  Which I cant do alone, things around, trying their best to deviate me and letting me away from you. Everything related with you will feel pride of having me coz surely I dont have any devine power but giving my best effort is, in my hand in fact as I always did.  I know no one should trust so easily  so I give you my time to think about it. But give a serious look. At last, dont let me down this time, I promise you that I, wil never let down myself again at anytime of life.   enf ???

Guy asks her, tell me when you were interested you must be having some emotions, where are they? dont they compell you ? dont they say you to be honest? Well if you have something which can erase every emotion then plz give me too as the only option left with me. 

Situation was critical so lets  see whether faith of guy wins or anything else.

 

Where is that cute smile yar ?

It's not like that guy was angry or had any hard feeling. A girl with that virtue will only do that, even at any cost will never let herself out. In fact guy liked gal only for this virtue only. But problem is, how, how to make the girl believe, that you really loved her for this virtue only.

Guy knew you will never let yourself out, That's why guy never got angry because same vir tue is forcing girl to be like that way. Even thats why he took initiative for first time in life. His nightmare haunts every night that two right people couldn't be together in life, In fact. Guy told everything because he doesn't want to leave that person. He is doing all sorts of things to get it but sometimes every projectedion you made, makes you lose the thing which you least wanted to loose. Because past has a lot of situations like this and finally both go on their ways differently to leave a pain within. So for be different result, you needed to do things differently.
He will wait for ever n ever, coz he knows that fellow deserves best. May be you passed your tests of times n fellow come to you or say May be fellow some day believe in you and joins you to live life ahead. After all hope is not bad thing.

ps: Either gal will come soon or takes time, evident is, girl will have to come n accepts to be a pillar of strength' for youself, m more than sure for it.We may change situations but final outcome comes the way it should have come.

Happy Bday Buddy

Hum apne gum ko sajakar bahar kar lenge,
Tere khayalo ko thoda sa pyar kar lenge !



Yup it your bday, May be u wont like if i come and wish, so escaped asap before my mind loose control and heart starts to impose it self. Yup I wanted to wish but I thought, its ur day n u shdnt have anything which upset u. In fact, I was here to cheer u up but it was my misinterpretation. But don't worry, I know how to deal with it.

May god fulfill your all of the dreams

Enjoy !